Ever wondered what wildlife you will encounter on your next trip to Twitter World? You might be surprised, but the Twitter Zoo is filled with more than one species and they all have their characteristics and distinguishing marks.
In “Animal Farm” by George Orwell one line went something like “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.” In the novel that was ironic and was a comment on the World as he saw it. But what can be said, ironically or not, on our Twitter World? What animals rule Twitter, what animals are there and what attitude in relation to them shall we use? What animals are advisable to follow and what animals are most lightly to follow us? Let’s go-see!
What is your opinion on the average Twitter bird and is there such an animal in Twitter? I guess the general myth on this contains “a person who Tweets once a day and who follows people back who follows, being genuinely interested in two-way communication. Nothing average about such a bird though. I would call them Canaries as the original cartoon character “Tweety” actually was a Canary bird. Tweety was a bit naive but a survivor too. Today’s Tweeties might be just that too, naively embracing the original idea of communication between peers and just may be the animal that will survive in Twitter after all is said and done.
A Canary = 1 Tweet/day and follows you back. Of course we appreciate Tweety!
But Tweety was always threatened by Sylvester, the Cat. This animal is very cunning and work a bit on the sly. Being a Cat also mean not over-working either. The Cat’s aim is to get admiration, but is neither interested enough or hard-working enough to follow back.
A Cat = 1 Tweet/day but does not follow you back. We do feel the Cat has too many lives – Unfollow!
In contrast to the Cats there are the Bees. A Bee is a real busy animal and Tweets perhaps even five times per day and still has the time and strength to follow you back. The Bee is here, there and everywhere buzzing from flower to flower, subject to subject and still makes it back to the hive to tell all his friends.
A Bee = 5+ Tweets/day and follows you back. If we can the extensive Honey Flow we like the Buzz!
But there are more dangerous animals lurking about. We have the Crocs in the shallow water just waiting to get their teeth into your fresh and juicy flesh. They are active 24/7 Tweeting like crazy. But they are not too keen on small talk before going in for the kill. A Croc has no visible ears but a huge mouth which is used frequently in all directions.
A Croc = 5+ Tweets/day but does not follow you back. Too many teeth marks all over – Unfollow!
And then we go into slower parts of the Twitter Zoo. First we have the Snails. They are not too hasty and not too quick in sending out Tweets. They are quite satisfied to send out a Tweet now and then just to make every one, and themselves too, aware that they are indeed still out there. And if you actually notice them they are only too pleased to notice you back. A Snail is a friendly animal.
A Snail = Less than 1 Tweet/day and does follow you back. You make fine barbecue on a slow fire!
A lot less lovable legless creature is the Leech. A Leech does not care for your aches and pains it just wants to suck everything it can out of you and your friends too. But the Leech does not want to work for it, just make an occasional twist of the tail to lure you in. And you can forget about a follow back – a Leech is just your sociable kind of slug.
A Leech = Less than 1 Tweet/day and does not follow you back. Loose the Leech!
Another slow animal is the Sloth. Sloths are even slower than Snails, nut just as nice. They practically stay silent and wait for someone to notice their very existence. Then they lighten up and follow you back. But as they do not want to embarrass anybody they avoid Tweeting like the plague. One might wonder what they are doing in the Zoo, but in Twitter World everyone has a spot.
A Sloth = No Tweets but does follow you back. Do you want to follow?
Twitter World can also present a World Sensation – the Dodo! Yes, we do know that the Dodos are supposed to be extinct. Here in Twitter they do exist and they flourish too. AS you might have guessed already a Dodo does not make much sound or like to attract attention. So a Dodo has adopted the wonderful tactic of saying nothing and not reacting to anything. Playing dead as an art form.
A Dodo = No Tweets and does not follow you back either. The Dodo is a No-No to follow!
Then we must take a trip to the Mystery part of the Zoo. First we have the Egg. An egg can become a bird, a reptile, an amphibian or a fish – we just don’t know yet. The Egg wants to hide for some reason. It can be laziness, shyness or lack of confidence that make this animal show only the Egg as its icon. We do not think that showing up like an Egghead is done with bad intention, even if we do feel like a Kinder Egg is a kinder kind of Egg. By the behavior and the presentation of the individual egg we try to guess what animal it will become when it comes out of its shell– we just haven’t cracked it.
An Egg = A Tweeter with no Profile Picture. Will Follow back or Not. Only Time will tell what to do.
The Mystery continues with the Cuckoo. As we know the Cuckoo does not want to be recognized hiding out in other nests so a Cuckoo does not show its true colors, preferably no colors at all. Nothing will be revealed to tell what Tweeter this is. The Cuckoo has two way to achieve this. One is to write nothing and the other is to write something fake. Both methods have their advantages and disadvantages. If you write nothing it is a bit weird but you cannot be revealed as liar. If you fake it looks kosher, but you risk being outed as a fake. Both might not be all that great after all.
A Cuckoo = A Tweeter that either has no presentation OR probably has a fake one. Might Follow, but should you follow back?
Then we have a section of the Zoo dedicated to animals with weird behavior. First in line there are the Fly. As we know from classic Fly tactics it loves everything. Good, Mediocre and even pure Garbage. It flies round following anything that might show up. This massive mass-follower has of course no time to actually communicate. Some collect stamps, the Fly collect accounts to follow.
A Fly = A Tweeter that mass follows almost everything. Weird – Stay away from the stench!
The perhaps most remarkable animal is perhaps only half an animal – let us proudly present the CyBull! This half animal- half machine is making Twitter irritating by automatic Tweets, Replies and Follows thus creating massive amounts of BS. The stream of Tweets is almost Tsunamish anyway without adding nonsense Tweets just because you are lazy, right?
A CyBull = A Tweeter that automatically sends out Tweets, Replies and Follows – We prefer real Tweets – Unfollow!
The next section of the Zoo is about sex. The animals here are either showing interest for or wanting others to show interest for sex related stuff. First in line are the Foxes. A Fox is defined by her erotically oriented Profile Image, perhaps a a pick-up line in the presentation or no presentation and finally almost no Tweets and the ambition to get as many followers a possible. The Fox is definitely selling and knows that med are not buying Playboy for the articles.
A Fox = A Tweeter that obviously works related to the sex industry. Don’t fall for a Fox even if the tail is pretty!
There is of course a male variety of the Fox (I guess some Foxes are really men in disguise too). This Wolf is another ball game. He comes on like a Macho, trash talking women but says he loves women and they love him too. Often he presents himself as a Gangsta rapper, a DJ or a blogger/singer/writer. Nobody has of course heard much material from him. Seems the Wolf gets all his self-esteem by looking down on others. Amazing that the Wolves are not banned from Twitter. Yet.
A Wolf = A Tweeter that fills his Tweets with negativity – especially towards women. Send these guys away – Twitter is not therapy!
Last in the sex section are the Spiders. The Spider is really on the lookout for a mate. It can be recognized by remarks as “single”, “love” and similar notes. A Spider stays pretty still laying out thread after thread of stickiness hoping that one day some suitable will finally get stuck. Sometimes the Spider quotes famous lines from poems or thinkers as long the text is about love. Amazingly they seem to attract naive philosophers and nerds instead, more interested in the theories than real love.
A Spider = A Love thirsty Tweeter mainly aimed for a relation in this place. Unless you are extremely single yourself – take care!
Finally there is the P Section. The section that is about What and How. First there is the Peacock. A Peacock is all about himself and showing off. Yes we are talking about those who always promotes themselves in every Tweet and nearly with a link back to their own blog, website or Facebook fan page. The self glorification is almost approaching the level of the Wolves and the vulgarity of the Foxes. Guess soon this approach will show counter-productive and the Peacocks will be extinct.
A Peacock = A Tweeter that is totally self-promoting. Will probably not follow back either? Closely related to a Croc. If you prefer the commercial breaks to the actual film keep the Peacock Loose them!
Second in the P Section is the Platypus, named after the story “Plato and a Platypus came into a Bar”. In short – this Tweeter Tweets thoughts. Preferably philosophical, poetical or deep thoughts. Either thoughts by the Platypus or where ever they can be found. Any deep enough thought will do and will satisfy the Platypus. The Platypus loves the Spider for all the beauty and poetry, but unfortunately they will never actually meet. The Platypus hates the Peacock and all the vulgarity of commercialism of course. The Platypus prefers his own kind and perhaps the Canaries.
A Platypus = A Tweeter that is focused on Tweeting philosophical or poetical content. Will or will not follow back. If you appreciate a deep thought or two on occasion – do follow!
Third in the P are the Parrots. Many Tweeters do write their own material or get it from books. Not this one though. A Parrot is quite content with Re-Tweeting Tweets directly there and then. No time for reflection, only time for mirroring. But the Parrot usually RTs mostly funny, thought-provoking or novel tweets. Just any commercial Peacock Tweet will not do. A Parrot aims to please.
A Parrot = A Tweeter that mostly Re-Tweets. Will follow back or not. If you like the content do follow!
Fourth and last in the P Section is the Piranha. This aggressive little fish sometimes come in schools but can also be found on its own. The Piranha thrives on snapping on Tweets and Tweeters. Sometimes the Piranha only gets a finger och an ear but sometimes the Piranha feast on an entire Tweeter going in for the kill. The Piranha usually waits for a subject to appear and the discussion to really get started before attacking. Then, without warning snappy, and witty remarks are produced quicker than you can say “ a Mish-mash fish dish” twice. This fish is not a silent partner.
A Piranha = A Tweeter that mainly Replies in Twitter. Follows or not. If you can take it – follow!
All these wonderful, and some not so wonderful, animals are unique in a way that make them different from other animals and even animals in the outer World with the same names – they can cross-Breed too! The Twitter World and its Zoo must build extensions all the time to embrace all the new species created as we speak. The PeaCroc has already seen the light of day and I have heard rumors of a CyFly too. The Tweevolutions is on its merry way and cannot be stopped.
Only one question still remains – What animal are YOU?
PS! Additions to the Twitter Zoo are now available at this Blog Post! DS
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